Be Still

Today, I was reminded that God is working in every aspect of life. (I know. Something fairly obvious to all Christians.) It is when we are in nothingness that we may feel completely alone, but if we look to the One who is always with us we can truly begin recognizing His transforming powers. Sometimes I feel very alone, but I know that God has purposefully placed specific people in my life so that I won't have to feel this way. I know that I am not alone. He has also placed me in certain places at certain times in which He is calling me to be still in His presence. I find it hard to recognize when He is doing this, but God used my time of "nothingness" to strengthen me, help me grow, and teach me. (Of course, the lesson was learned after I talked about what was going on.)

I was in the midst of financial problems, feeling lonely, and looking for anything to keep me busy. I just needed to celebrate having time to do nothing, and not shame myself for it. (But, I didn't) I tried figuring it out in quietness, on my own, without help from anyone at all. And, no matter how hard I might try to do life alone I am reminded that life is not meant to be journeyed through without relationship. We are relational beings that need to be intentional with our family, our friends, and God. God calls us to do life together, He does not call us to try to figure out everything on our own.

But in my period of "loneliness" I was able to grow. I realized that keeping busy and having "fun" with people was just a way that I tried (using my own abilities) to fill an emptiness within myself. It was very important that at the end of this I was able to acknowledge the need for God, and Godly people. God wants to fill my emptiness, and He is the only One that truly fits. I was able to see that I do need to live out the Kingdom of God, but I also need to be present on earth. I need to be in relation with my family/friends, and invested in living out God's Kingdom; they go hand-in-hand.  We were deliberately placed in this world.

Restless by Audrey Assad

Still my heart

Hold me close

Let me hear a still small voice

Let it grow

Let it rise

Into a song, into a cry

Checking In!

Checking in for the first time in 2014!
This year has been so good to me, I definitely find myself noticing the positives more than the negatives. I am so thankful that some of the negatives come and go, but the positives always create memories.

I have a new roommate! It's funny that I choose to talk about her now, because the semester is over in less than three weeks. She is an awesome Freshmen year hall mate that needed somewhere to stay after she came back to APU from Lithuania, so we opened our doors to her. And I am so so glad that we did. She has an amazing personality and she loves coffee so so much (yes! we get to have coffee dates). We've gotten really close over the semester, and getting to know new people definitely has its perks. Even though I don't like meeting people, I would rather spend time with people that I know, or time alone.
We got Disneyland Annual passes together. Bad decision? Good decision? Whatever!:)
My car is paid off, so it is officially under my name. Thank God for one less bill and a huge blessing!:)
Two of my friends have started coming to church!

Procrastination! It has truly taken on many forms. Somethings that I have caught myself doing in order to delay papers, I didn't even recognize in their midst. I have cooked, cleaned, taken naps, went to the bank, went grocery shopping, and now THIS: writing a blog post (after not writing anything since last year).

Also, I had surgery again!
And sorry for this post. It is everywhere.

Sweet Tori cuddling with me in the hospital!

Faithful or Fickle.

Is it not terrifying?
Professors at the Christian university that I attend /always/ teach something and ask if it rattles my(our) faith. They ask how it challenges what we have always believed or never known.

The terrifying part is that after four years of learning  and interpreting the Bible in many ways that include inside and outside sources, I might think the Bible is wrong. My faith might be so rattled that I have a biblical degree that backs up my newly pronounced lack of religion. What if, in the end, I don't believe in God, His creation, and His spiritual realm. I mean I do understand that the point of these questions are to strengthen and affirm my beliefs. After all, the people that ask me if it sits with me the wrong way still have faith. BUT what if it does the opposite of its goals, what if I die and there is absolutely nothing? What if I die and go somewhere I never imagined possible? What if I could have done life in a completely different way? What if I could have happily married the man that did not believe in God? There's just so many questions.

This is a struggle that i have never dealt with before college, but for now and hopefully for the rest of my life on Earth and in eternity I believe in God, that He is love, He loves everyone, and He does not want to harm His people. He is eternal.

Year Two at The 'Zu!

My roommates and I have finished our first week of our second year of school at APU. Classes weren't all that crazy, because they were mainly just introductions to the courses. I have been in Azusa for a little over two weeks now and I plan to stay until Thanksgiving weekend. Yikes! It's going to be tough!

I haven't seen anyone from church for three weeks, because I left on a Friday. It has been a fun adventure so far; living in an apartment that I can call my own (and my roommate's). It has forced me to step into the kitchen! I have always wanted to learn to cook like my mom and my sister, but I haven't ever tried because they always have it handled!;) I have cooked a few things and it's been nice, because it has encouraged me to stop eating out and to start working out. My goal is to feel more comfortable in my own skin and learn how to cook like my mom!

Oatmeal on the first morning!

Spaghetti for the roommates

Grilled cheese is so easy, but so good!

Chicken and (my first pot of) rice!

Meat for sopes with family

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!

I must admit, my title is making me laugh, because I'm listening to Annie sing as I filled in the name for this post.

My school, APU, had a school-wide "day off" this past Wednesday. Most students took the day to sleep in or to study, but a few friends and I slept for about four hours and woke up at 4:30am to hike Garcia Trail.

It was fun. One of us were a bit grumpy that we were awake so early, but that changed quickly. We had to make the most of waking up before the sun is shining down on the city. I didn't make it all the way to the top of the trail, but it was still an awesome experience. It was an amazing chance to view God's creation through nature.

I did end up getting breakfast, then taking a nap after the hike was over!:) Here are some pictures of the view from the trail.

Beginning of hike

Once the sun started to shine light on the city