Love Notes.

I've been going to Girls Group, led by Jennifer, since she started it. It has always been informative and an awesome way to fellowship. I personally think Jennifer's reasoning for Girls group is to give females what females need most, a sense of love and "good enough." She pointed out all of the good, but would always listen to any of the bad and we'd talk. She's showed us how blessed we are, but doesn't ever ignore the fact that bad is everywhere. We get together, talk, and love on each other.

Jennifer told us that "we ARE lovely" and "we are God's image" -- beautiful, captivating, zenith of creation, love, wonderful, and forgiven. She helped us learn how to "heal the wounds" -- go to God, go to others, pray for a peace from within, for strength, courage, and comfort. We learned that God gives us "love letters." They come in many different forms, music, family, friends, random signs, words, etc. He puts something in your life that you can always go to for a smile, or that'll show you His evident presence in your life. 

My personal love letters are my nieces and nephews. I can be in a not-so-happy mood, but once they come up to me, hug me, kiss me, acknowledge my presence, I can't help but to believe how loved I am. How blessed I am. They truly are love letters from God.

The fabulous five

Alyssa:)

Daniel:)

Noelia:)

Richard and Eric:)

Soooo, God.

The day that I turned 13 I was invited to my neighbor's church "block party." The cool thing is that it was aimed towards teenagers and we literally had a whole block to sit, fellowship, talk, pray, and watch a movie. I wasn't familiar with any of those, except sitting and movie watching. Not much happened that night, but obviously something stuck with me. I mean I remember it five years later. I was approached by a church member who asked me if I would let her pray for me. I wasn't going to be rude, so I allowed her to do so. I closed my eyes in respect, with no intent in really paying attention to what she said. I ended up listening to what she said, praying that I knew I was loved and other prayers of that nature. I cried, I cried a lot. It kind of sparked something that night, but it didn't go much further. I was hurt, yes, but didn't know where to look for healing.

I remember when I was lured into my church's youth group with some of my friends. The 20-something-year-old youth intern, Ben, came to some friends and I while some of us, well some of them, were skating in the church's parking lot. He was only an intern at the time, but he fell in love with us and stayed for good. Haha. Being young high schoolers, Ben knew food and games would attract us. That it did. We started going regularly and it was the beginning of my walk with God.
We got another intern, Jennifer. She was supposed to volunteer for a short time, but something kept her there for good. We weren’t the nicest of kids, we had a long way to go. She said one of the things that kept her with us was that she could see our evident love for each other. Yes, we all fought, we all had drama, but we all truly loved each other.

Helping Ben move into his California apt. We decided to keep him.:)

Our first year at camp and already throwing up gang signs.:)

The Christmas service

Family life in a bubble.

So, I didn't grow up in the church. My family is "Catholic," but they only went to church for Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, funerals or baptisms. I lived with both of my parents  and my 3 older sisters, 2 older brothers, and one younger brother up until the age of 7 or 8. My parents split around that time. I'd see my dad once in a while until I was around 9, then he was shipped (I'm mean.:)) back to Mexico. Yeah, that was the last time I really saw him. He would call every couple of months, he would send letters and pictures. I mean I knew my dad, I loved my dad, but I never really had my dad.

My mom stepped out of the picture not too long after my dad did. Eventually, my sister, Adrianna, was living with my grandma and my brother, Richard, was staying with one of my aunts. I went to a school called Project Hope. The school was for kids living in motels or shelters. I felt far less than anyone that went to public schools, but the people at Project Hope were loving. They were always there, they showed some caring when, both the faculty and we (the students), knew our parents hardly cared. They would make a monthly birthday cake and if you were born in that month they would add your name to the cake. They gave us some Christmas gifts during the Christmas season. When I'd go to school with ripped shoes, they'd send me to Mr. Bill to get some donated ones. I loved them. 

Yes, I lived in several motels from when I was in 3rd grade to around 5th grade. It was Anthony, Crystal, Stephanie, JJ, my mom, and I living in a no bedroom, two bed motel. Eventually, my mom gave up completely, or so it seemed. She would constantly be in and out of bars and jail cells, so my grandma and great aunt Mary took us in. My brother Anthony was the next one to move out. So, it was Crystal, Steph, JJ, and I living with the two most wonderful women ever. They tried their hardest to do what they could. I knew they loved me, loved us. I would see my mom once every 2 weeks if I was lucky. Need I mention, we lived with my great aunt and my grandma in a senior citizen apartment with one teeny-tiny bedroom. My great aunt was notified that the young ones living with her had to move out or they were going to kick her out, so we were forced to move.

By this time, Richard was still living with my aunt, Anthony was living with friends, Crystal got to stay with my great aunt Mary, and Adrianna was married with a daughter. We ended up moving in with Adrianna and her small family. One two bedroom apartment with Adrianna, Theodore, Noelia, Grandma, Stephanie, and I. It was a lot to put on my sister's plate, but she loves us so she did it.

After being kicked out of Adrianna's house into Richards, and back to Adrianna's. Adrianna had to give all of us up. Stephanie, JJ, and I moved in with my brother, Anthony. This was around the time I was a freshmen in high school, my mom eventually came back and said she wasn't going to go to jail or leave anymore. She has done a great job of staying out of jail, but she's been gone. When she came back she would tell me what to do, like any mother does to their child, but I felt like someone that was never there for me shouldn't be telling me what to do. I listened anyways, I just had bad feelings towards her for always abandoning us.

Eventually, Anthony couldn't do it anymore either, so back to Adrianna's we all three went. Let's just fast forward to the now. Steph doesn't live with us anymore, she hasn't for a while now. She's an adult and is figuring out what to do with her life, or living in her youth still, whichever. JJ doesn't live with us either, he lives with Richard. So, it's Adrianna, Theodore, Noelia, Daniel, and I. My mom left me, personally, in August of 2011.

She called me a bitch, said i was going to hell, and other stuff, because I wouldn't give her money for drugs, no she didn't specify that they were for drugs, but I'm sure of it. What she had said just broke me. I left the room we were in to go to my sister's room, so I could cry. She packed her stuff and left. I've seen her 4 times in the last 8-9 months. The first two times were just a "you're not going to say hi to your mom?" conversation, they literally were less than 5 minute encounters. The third time I saw her was when I was in the hospital, the day before I had surgery. We talked a little more, we exchanged about 5 sentences that day. The last time I saw her wasn't that long ago. It was awkward, she was in my presence for a whopping 5-10 minutes. I invited her to my graduation, she told me she was getting married. Like I said, it was awkward.

Thanksgiving 2010

My first blog.

So, I've never really had a blog. Yes, I have a Tumblr, but that's not a legit blog. It is nothing short of an amusement park. An emotional teenage amusement park. I'm not sure what caused me to make this blog, but I'll see where it goes (if it goes). I'll start this blog with this, I guess. There will most likely be added posts tonight. Brain just decided to work a little, I'm going to start it off with me, then what God has been doing in my life, how it all started.