Glorify Him with Your Mouth.

Last night, I was at my roommate's gospel choir concert. It struck me so much that our voices, our words, are given to us to glorify God. The beautiful voices and the words used to worship God brings me to have heartfelt feelings. Feelings of the heart, not just thoughts or opinions on the performance. I know that we are supposed to glorify God with everything we say or do, but it was so relevant last night.

If our voices and words weren't meant to glorify God, then I wouldn't feel driven to worship Him when I hear certain words. I wouldn't feel tears build up in my eyes if the words mean nothing.

If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
                                                                                            -1 Peter 4:11 (NIV)
Here's a super small clip of the end of a song. I missed the very end of it too. I suck! haha

Hope and a Future.

There are only two days left of my first semester of college. This semester has flown by faster than I could comprehend. I'm almost to the point of being able to say that I survived "life after adolescence." I'm still pretty young, but this is the next step.

I thank God for the opportunity that He has given me in order to pursue my college career at APU. It is such a blessing to have been accepted and admitted to this school. I've learned about God in different ways, I've learned of His word, and I've met pretty awesome people. All of this is only possible, because God wants the best for me, and I thank Him for that.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

The Best Way to Spread Christmas Cheer is Singing Loud for All to Hear.

It's officially Christmas time! Thanksgiving was great, it wasn't the same as usual, but it was awesome. My mom showed up, we spent a whole day with her. That was a first in a very long time. I was beyond thankful for that and for all that God has blessed me with. My family, the church, knowing Him, APU, the ability to do all that I can, and, last but not least, my friends.

I started off the Christmas season right! I watched the movie Elf. I've had my lovely red cup of yummy Christmas from Starbucks. Everything is going well. Three more weeks until the semester is officially over. I hope I survive it! This is all happening so fast!

Now, time for an English paper, an Exegetical paper, a SL paper, and my Public Communications hw assignment. Wish me luck!

He is Always Working.

I had a one-on-one with my alpha leader, today. We grabbed lunch, then we started to share our life stories.
I've been able to use what I have gone through before. Here and there, I'm able to use little things to be there for people. The little things to connect with them in different sorts of ways.
My alpha leader's life story was very similar to mine. The closest someone else's story has ever gotten to my life story. I've always known that things happen for a reason, that all of my experience will be used somehow. Today, it was made relevant. My life will be used to help someone out, just like my alpha leader's life story helped me out. He hasn't gone through far more than I have, but he was able to give me pointers. It's nice to know that my family are not the only people. It was truly a God moment.

Glory to God!

Woohoo! I got an A+ on my first college English paper!

"Exo-Jesus"

So, I've heard this word every day since classes started. I always thought it was Exo-Jesus, because I'm in Exodus and Jesus is the Son of God. The word is actually exegesis. What the word means is still the same, but I totally thought wrong of the spelling of the word. Welp, I have to write an Exegetical paper by November 29th. I hope it's not too complicated!

ex·e·ge·sis/ˌeksiˈjēsis/

Noun:	Critical explanation or interpretation of a text, esp. of scripture.
Synonyms:	interpretation - explanation - commentary

And I Survived!

I gave my testimony in front of the whole church, today! None of my family was able to make it, but there was quite a few new people. It was nice seeing all of the new faces.

I survived speaking in front of a whole congregation! I feel a little more comforted about my next speech that I have to give. Haha, I happened to be chewing gum the whole time and apparently the mic has super powers and was able to pick up the sound of it. OOPS! I thought of taking it out before I went on stage, but it was comforting to have myself busy with something. Sorry Portico! Like Jerri said, it's okay because they love me. Once again, I can't believe I survived it!

Computer Science or Not?

So, I failed my Computer Science midterm. My immediate thought was I better study more, but then someone told me maybe I failed the test because God doesn't want me in this field.

Now, I'm looking at Nursing, Premed, Global Studies, and Youth Ministry. Ahh! This is so hard. I have to choose my classes for next semester tomorrow. I hope I don't make the wrong decisions.

My Eggs!

Welp! I've had another visit to the emergency room this week! I have been to the hospital three times in the last year. The first time was for surgery, eight days. The second time was for my low iron, 1-2 hours. The third time was for a ruptured ovarian cyst, 4-5 hours.

This time was scary, because I was having the same symptoms as the time I went in for surgery. It was scary, because after I realized that the symptoms were very similar, the tests were very similar. They drew blood, gave me fluids and pain medicine through an IV, ordered an X-Ray, and ordered a ct scan. Thankfully, when the doctor came to tell me what was happening, he announced the good news of no surgery! Yay! The results were cause for three days of no school, doctor ordered.

I got back to school Thursday at 3:15ish pm. It was so nice! My friends and roommate were really happy to see me. I was happy to see them, too!

Putting in the IV

So Soon

So, I'm a freshman in college and I'm already "adding classes to my shopping cart." I, first off, want to say that I think using a shopping cart to choose classes is pretty funny. I mean, it's true, we are definitely paying for what we shop for!

There is seven more weeks of the first semester left and it's almost time to choose all of our classes for the Spring of 2013! I've chosen all of my classes already. I'm going to be taking one unit less than this semester, but sixteen units is still a whole lot!

The freedom that comes with choosing college classes is so nice, but it's a test of responsibility too. Some friends are telling me they would rather have the classes chosen for them, but I like having to make sure I get all of my requirements out of the way on my own. (Afterall, I am paying!)

So, with all of the freedom I'm trying to make sure that I don't have any classes on Friday, which I did well on. BUT there's a requirement for my major that takes place on a Friday. One class on a Friday next semester vs. four classes this semester is definitely better. My Friday is going to end at 11:35am rather than 4:10pm, so this is an overall success. Goodbye:)

Strengths Finder!

I had to take the Strengths test for one of my classes. Haha, Belief is one of my strengths, this explains why I am so stubborn. These are my top 5 strengths:

• Responsibility
• People who are especially talented in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.
• Belief
• People who are especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
• Achiever
• People who are especially talented in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
• Developer
• People who are especially talented in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.
• Includer
• People who are especially talented in the Includer theme are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make an effort to include them.

Happy Place

In my Public Communications class, a girl was giving a speech on her little hometown called Tehachapi. Her introduction was for us to close our eyes and think of our "happy place." My heart was surprised and happy when I realized that the first thing I thought of was the first year of Thousand Pines.

The first time we went to camp was the summer of 2010, it was the summer after I started going to church and all I wanted to do was worship. I'm a stubborn person, so for me to go to camp and sing along, dance to the made up dances, and lift my hands was a bit out of my comfort zone. I loved it, because I worshiped with all that I had. It brings me joy that the first thing that came to my mind when the thought of a "happy place" is planted in my mind is worshiping God.

First year at camp.

Dirt "tagging" when we arrived to camp.

Tehachapi (PubComm Student's picture) 

Really quick.

I can't stop watching this video. I can't wait for Junior year. I really wish it'd come sooner, but I'm sure it will be here before I know it.

How Marvelous!

I haven't been keeping up with my blog. I know this, because my sister, Adrianna, said I need to update it.:) I think I'm going to make it a goal to post at least once a week.

School can get overwhelming (most of the time). There has already been a midterm in one of my classes! We're only 1/3 into the semester! (mid is 1/2, not 1/3!) I guess it's better to have one out of the way so that I don't have to cram some studying in for five midterms at once. I feel like I did good on my first (ever) college midterm. All of my homework or lab grades have been 90% and up, except in my Public Communications class. I got a 81% on my first speech, but this might be because I CANNOT give speeches, it's so nerve wrecking to speak in front of a crowd. I can keep a conversation, but I think I will always have room to improve on giving speeches.

I came home for the weekend, yet again. Like I said, school can get very overwhelming. It is so nice to go home and relax with friends and family. Even if some friends and family can bring me stress, I love the small break from school. Now that I can't hang out everyday like I used to, I treasure family and friends far more. I've always treasured family and friends, but it's just so relevant how blessed I am. "How marvelous! How wonderful! Is my Savior's love for me!"

College Confession

I love College. I love that we choose our classes, that we choose to go to class or not, and that the times are all different. There isn't six classes, one after the other. I, personally, have six classes and a lab, but they're spread throughout the week. I love College, because you choose when you eat and when you sleep. I love College, because of Azusa Pacific University. Going to chapel is one of the highlights and rests of the week. Afterall, I’m going to the only college I can see myself attending.

I am so worn out physically and emotionally. I love APU, but I’m starting to stress out. I need a job, I need to keep up with all of the homework, I need to make it to class on time, and most of all I need focus on God. It’s just so much at once. My body needs rest, my mind needs rest, and my heart needs rest.

Sometimes, I feel so left out of the life that's happening back home. I always look forward to video chatting with people back home, but it'd be nice to physically sit with them. I feel like everyone is going through life without even the thought of me, but I know that this is probably not true. Ugh, I just need rest, my family, and my close friends. I miss home.

Time to go to my last two classes of the day. :/

I'm Coming Back to the Heart of Worship.

For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it 

-The Heart of Worship

Worship is not just singing, it takes many different forms. It is a spiritual practice that keeps us centered and focused on bringing glory to God. 'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2' We always tend to make it about lifting our arms or standing like everyone else. I'm not saying to conform to sitting in the pews with your arms crossed, but be transformed and know that you are to worship God in whatever way He is drawing you to, be open to following His will. We don't even have to re-define worship, but we have to save it, in a sense. We have to bring it back to its true meaning. 

wor·ship/ˈwərSHip/
Noun:
The feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity.

This is one of many definitions, but I like it more than others: to feel/express adoration. 

Louie Giglio says "The simplest definition I can give is this: Worship is our response to what we value most." Now, I need to look at what I value. I value God, family, friends, and my education, but see God should be in all of these "values." God shouldn't just be one of my values, He should be portrayed in all of them. He should be more than an object that I value. I need to surrender it all to Him. I don't know that it'll happen while here on Earth, but guess what the goal is?

And It Was Very Good.

The name of this post is a part of Genesis 1:31, God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the sixth day.

Do you believe that you are very good? God didn't make us on accident, we have a purpose. He didn't just bring us into existence like the rest of His creation. He breathed His life into us, only into humans. He looked at us and saw that it was very good, not just good, but very good.

There was an assignment that my English professor gave the class. The assignment was to list five heroes, whether family, pastor, teacher, someone global, anyone that you see as a hero. We were told not to list Jesus, because she knows that He's our number one. After we wrote our five heroes down, we had to write their attributes and values, why we see them as heroes.

I listed my Grandma, Adrianna, Tia Mary, Jennifer, and Ms. Sinatra. My grandma, because no matter what the situation was , she always made it through. She was a strong, loving woman who knew how to comfort me like nobody else could. Adrianna, because she loves through everything. She helps others before ever thinking of herself. You can always find Adrianna smiling or cracking a joke. Tia Mary, because she is strong, 92 years old and still amazing. She helped raise her siblings and helped raise my siblings and I. She is a completely selfless woman. Jennifer, because she sees potential in everyone. She knows that everyone can make it, do the best, it's whether they try or not. She has never given up on loving me, no matter how stubborn I can be. Last but not least, Ms. Sinatra, if anyone has room to be moody or mean, it's her. Life throws her a curveball and she doesn't let it ruin her. She shows joy through all of her trials, always holds onto hope. If someone knows how to show love in any situation, it's her.

We discussed some of our heroes and their attributes and values. My English professor told me the reason I see them as my heroes is because they mirror me. All of the attributes and values that I see in them are only seen, because I portray them too. If I ask them to describe their attributes and values, they wouldn't say all of these, they'd see it in me, but not themselves. It was really eye opening. The fact that I listed my grandma, sister, great aunt, a teacher, and a youth pastor, made me a community and family person. I might be starting to believe that I am good in Him.

I love you, God.

I know more of my posts should be titled something along these lines, but this one is just so real.

I have all of my first semester of college paid for, all of my books are covered, my English class was canceled, and my THREE hour lab is canceled for tomorrow. God is good.

I've been letting worry take over my emotions. Well, take over my everything, really. I sat in a circle of girls with my roommate, there was about seven girls that I didn't know before sitting in the circle. We sat in the circle and had to talk about what we wanted to let go of for this next school year. After we talked about it we were to write it on a big clothe like banner and cover each others writing with our painted hand to show that we were there for each other. I covered Jessie's, she covered mine and we prayed about it. When it was my turn to talk about what I wanted to let go I said worry and cried. I cried in front of a group of people I didn't know. I told them that I want to put my faith in God and not have to worry. I want to leave APU a completely different person, a person closer to God.

God answered my prayers, my worries are finally beginning to subside. I can focus on God.

Side note: one of my professors offered extra credit for four notes on a Sunday church service. He told us that chapel isn't enough, we still need to fellowship in a church.

I'm all "growed" up

Today, I had my first classes, Intro to Computer Science, Math, English, and Public Communications. My CS class was beyond boring and spoke with a pretty thick accent, the professor read the syllabus in whole, as if we can't read it on our own. All of my other professors read the main points and told us to go over it on our own. My second teacher didn't have an accent, thank God! She was a bit more entertaining. After she went over some of the syllabus we ended up reviewing some math, which I loved. I was glad that we started on some actual work. It was all graphing, so I'll definitely need my graphing notebook. (Thanks, Adrianna!)

After my math class, I rushed over to East campus. See, I was in a hurry because I thought I had twenty-five minutes, but once I got to East campus I realized I had an hour and twenty-five minutes. This was a huge relief, because I was hungry and it opened up time to grab some lunch. After the hour and twenty-five minutes, I had to go to my English class. I hoped so much that the professor would be entertaining, especially after my first two professors. Guess what?! She was amazing, she cracked jokes and knew how to keep our attention for the whole fifty-five minutes. She seems really loving, we're going to be having one on one time with her and she made us promise to keep anything said within the class between us and only us. That was my smallest class all day, it was about 15-20 students. I had to travel back to West campus with 10 minutes between the end of my English class and the beginning of my next class(communications), so yes I was late. I had to let my professor know that I'd be getting there late, because of the ridiculous travel from one campus to the other with only 10 minutes.

My day is now relaxed, I can relax in my dorm. I have to read for my communications class, but I might save that until tomorrow, because tomorrow I only have one class from 4:20pm-5:45pm.

I can't wait to find out how I'm going to put Computer Science and God/Math and God into the same pot and make it taste good. My first day was a success, I survived!

Movie/Book Shelf
Turtle Pond
Covered my roommates insecurity with my painted hand

Day One

Today started really early, I woke up at 6am to do laundry(because it'd be ridiculous to go to college with no clean clothes). After doing laundry, I did a bit of last minute packing and Rubi came over to say goodbye. We loaded the car with everything (yes, I admit, I forgot something), Adrianna drove me to say goodbye to Richard, Anthony, and Anna, then we were on the road to APU!

We pulled up to the campus and there were students in black I heart APU shirts. They were waving signs, being rowdy and screaming as loud as they could. I just had to roll down the windows to hear it full on, it was that awesome! We parked the car in front of Trinity Hall, the dorms I now live in. They unpacked my car and carried my stuff up to my room, which was really nice of them. I unpacked and set up my desk, then we went to check in for orientation!

The best part about checking into orientation had to be getting a free I heart APU shirt. We then went to the "Cougar Walk" and ate lunch. After we ate, we walked around to look at all of the booths. I took some fliers for different churches, I'm going to look them up and see what's close or at least walking distance. My counselor recognized me, walked up to me, hugged me, and asked how everything was going. I don't even think my high school counselor recognized/remembered me. It was incredibly heart warming that she came up to me.

We went to the Student and Family Welcome. The opening of that whole event was a guy wearing a shirt that says "I go to Biola," I was a bit on the edge about what might have been said, but he started sing "I wish I went to APU." He also claimed that when he sees the big bird (Biola Eagle) he feels like a loser. APU is obviously the best.;) 

I had to meet with a small group of students for Orientation Group Time. The group time was really nice, I know a few more students because of it. After we all got to know each other a bit we picked up candles and walked to the West Campus field with our groups. There was a stage in the middle of all of the students, President Jon Wallace lit the candles that surrounded the stage and the students passed back the flame to light everyone else's candles. There was a moment of silence, we sang, and the president told us that we would be doing this the week before graduation. He told us that as people of God we have to illuminate the world, make a difference.

This is amazing already.

It works.

Prayer has been the topic of summer for girl's group. I missed most of the girl's group meetings, but i made it to the last one that closed up the "series" that they were on. Amelia and I went and sat in front of the kitchen doors, we talked about what needed to be prayed for, closed our eyes, and prayed. We kept discussing what else could use prayer, so, in a sense, we were in and out of prayer because we'd think of more things to pray about. It was nice to pray with Amelia, because we're on the same page of never praying out loud.

I love prayer, I have learned to pray whole-heartedly. I pray knowing that God can and will do anything, knowing that if I ask He'll answer with His will. Prayer plays a huge role in my life. I pray everytime I'm in a car, that the drive is safe. I pray for little things and He'll show me He's there. I pray for years and He always answers, the answers may go according to a plan that I didn't think of, but it's always a reminder that He is in control, that I'm not.

Fellowship is another important asset of life. Last Wednesday, Jennifer (Hi, Jennifer) was at church in the nursery sick and with a fussy baby that just got shots. Jason brought Avery to the office with him, so I took her from him. She got happy and started dancing and smiling, so I went to go check on Jennifer. I walked into the nursery not really knowing what to say or do, but I did. I ended up sitting on the ground and just talking to Jennifer. We talked and it was nice to just sit in a quiet room and sort of catch up.

This past Tuesday, I received bad news about college finances, so I asked Rubi to Starbucks. We sat at Starbucks from 3:30pm-8pm, at first I had her read the first chapter of Captivating, while I added up the cost of books for my first semester at APU. After she was done reading, we sat and talked. We talked about the book, life, everything. She sent me a text the next day saying that she feels revived and loved, which was one of the issues.
I thank God for the people that I am blessed to spend time with. Fellowship, praying, seeking and listening to God works.

As You breathed Your last breath.

God moved in huge ways this week. Five of our youth made the choice of getting baptized. I have truly seen everyone grow and mature. Yes, I have only known some of them for about a year, in Abraham's case, less than a week, but I have seen the change. It's not just a surface change, it's a heart change. I'm proud of the group as a whole, we grew closer to God and to each other.

My little brother was worshiping with all that he had, praying, crying, taking notes. I was, yet again, amazed by what God can do.

I cried for a few different reasons, it was all summed up to feeling worthless and unloved. As I was crying God sent my brother to me, my brother told me that he loved me, he's glad I prayed for him without ceasing, he's glad I made sure he got to camp, and that he looks up to me more than anyone else. This made me feel of worth, I must be doing something right. I went to the cabin and I was still crying and feeling bummed out a bit, so all of the girls told me they loved me. They whispered it to me, it wasn't a group plan. God loves me and made sure that I felt loved and worth.

I still pray for all of the youth group, I pray that it expands, that it grows in God and in numbers. It may not expand right now, but I hope and pray that it does once us seniors leave. I pray that the youth don't get discouraged with all of the disruption of this world while we're down the mountain. 


You are amazing God. I love you. I am set free.

Thousand Pines 2012

truth, false.

Last Sunday, at church, we were challenged/asked to head to the back of the sanctuary, grab a piece of paper, and write a truth and false. The truth was that of Jesus' truth, the false was how you thought of yourself before Jesus. My truth: loved, my false: worthless.

Jason(Pastor) told the church that tears were shed while he was writing his truth and false, but stubborn me thought I could hold it together. I walked to the back of the sanctuary, grabbed a paper, and started writing. As I wrote, I was shaking because I was holding back tears. I couldn't hold the tears back any longer, so I went to be alone and cry as much as I could before I had to go back. My emotions made it impossible for me to go in front of the whole church, so I stayed back. I stayed back, even after Elena and Rubi offered to go up with me.

Now, the reason I cried so much was because this stupid false is always fighting its way back into my heart. I'm glad that my family was there for me. My oldest sister came up behind me and held me while I cried, as did my other sister, Stephanie. God showed me right then and there that I am LOVED.

I thought...

I thought I wanted money when I was a kid. It would mean getting the candy, the toys, the games, that I wanted so badly.
Now, money is coming in monthly, this is means for problems. "Mo' money, mo' problems," right? I couldn't wait to start getting money that I had total control of, but that comes with responsibilities. I have money, but now I have a million things that want the little that I have. Rent, phone bill, laptop payment, college payments, paying for camp, and, last but not least, tithing.
There is also siblings that want to borrow money. I am not going to go into detail about certain situations, but money lending or borrowing is not meant to be in a friend or family relationship. It just causes problems that can be easily avoided. I love my family, I love my friends, so money shouldn't be in control of our relationships.

ayayay!

Jennifer said so.:)

So, I haven't updated my blog in a while. I've been falling behind, I know.

Denise, a church member, is being super generous with the youth group. She's helping us out for the summer. I don't know why she's doing this, but I am thankful, as is the whole youth group. We've always had Jennifer and Jason (and others) and I am more than grateful for them, but it's nice to know other members of the church love us just as much.
We went sailing!
I had an awesome day with the youth group, no drama and lots of laughs. We were on the Latitude, it looked so tiny, but it was surprisingly big. There was a kitchen, seats, a table, a bathroom, and two fairly big beds.
We started at Newport Beach, sailed past Balboa Beach, and were anchored down at Corona Del Mar. Once we got to Corona Del Mar we were able to jump into the freezing water with our lovely, orange life vests. It was fun floating around like otters and listening to the seals bark.
Once again, I am grateful for those who give us the time of day. Those who love us no matter how far we can drive them up the walls.

It was an "almost"

So, the youth group put together a fairly big fundraiser. It took about two hours to set up and we had lots of hands. I have no idea what it is about our fundraisers, but we never get the outcome we want.

After a whole bunch of fliers being handed out, a bunch of preparing, and a big amount of volunteers, the day came. We had good thoughts, good hopes, but it just wasn't enough. There were a few kids that strolled in and had fun, but nobody bought movie tickets or food. Of course, that's where all the money was supposed to come in.

We have good intentions, but there seems to be some sort of repellent around the vicinity of the church. haha, I laugh but this is very true.

We just want to go to camp! We'll make it, God knows we need it.

Summer Time and The Livin' is Easy.

Summer literally started Wednesday. I have had an amazing four days so far. I plan to hang out everyday, spend as much time with the people that I love as i possibly can. I might go crazy, but I only have two and half months before I go up to Azusa. So, what the hey!

Wednesday, I graduated high school with five of my lovely youth group friends. Everyone was running around taking pictures with as many people as possible. I was standing at a tree waiting for all of them to gather, so we can take pictures. I love the heck out of the youth group. I hope that after us six are off doing other things, the youth group is only growing. Growing spiritually, in love, and in numbers. My family and church was my only concern after graduation.

Gradnight was after, this ended at 3am. Getting back at 4am called for breakfast at Denny's. I went to sleep at 7am.

Thursday, I went to a birthday bonfire until 11pm, then breakfast at Denny's again. I slept at 3am, woke up at 12pm.

Friday, I woke up, cleaned the house, showered, did laundry, watched The Princess Diaries, then got ready to leave. I met up with Desiree, Renee, and John. We went to The Night Owl in Downtown Fullerton around 10pm, walked around, acted like ridiculous teenagers, played cards at a boba shop, and met a complete stranger from Arizona. Yes, the stranger sounds a bit dangerous, but the stranger wasn't. We ended up at Desiree's house, I went home at 5am, so my brother in law would make it to work.:)

Today, I had to wake up at 10am to babysit, oh joy! I woke up to a thrashed house, this called for cleaning and music! We cleaned the whole house. Yes, my ten year old niece and three year old nephew had to clean too. I fed them, then I got ready to go to church. The youth group was put to sort out cans to raise money for camp. After sorting out dirty cans, Shelby, Mattie, Lauryn, Amelia, and I all hung out at Starbucks to talk about the next big church event. We then ate at Carls, came home, and Mattie, Shelby and I ended up at The Night Owl until 1am.

Now, we're up at 4am. Church starts in 6.5 hours, then my graduation party. yum, tacos.

One-Two Almost Through.

The Academy Awards were last Friday! I'm in an academy called Multimedia Computer Technology Academy and we have this award ceremony every year. Tori and I won two awards. Yay! (hold the applause.) haha, kidding!

I wore a dress. Yes, out in public, I wore a dress. It was the first time since my oldest sister got married when I was eight. I had to though, it was kind of a 'get ready' to wear one on graduation. Only I'm going to have my hair done, my nails done, a dress on, and my beautiful cap and gown!:)

Now, I'm excited about graduation! It's only two days away. I just received my cap and gown today. I tried it on, I felt like a wizard with the huge sleeves. (You're a wizard Harry!)

I never have to take a high school class again. This is bittersweet, some teachers almost made me cry. My wonderful English teacher read us Oh, The Places You'll Go and wrote our class a cute, encouraging personal letter.

Tomorrow, we have rehearsal and senior picnic!:)

Caps and Gowns

I'm in a dress! Yes, I look high.

Ambitious senior.

This was typed up on Friday, 6/1/12.

So, I asked my girl's group leader to take me home. (Which means talking, catching up, and discussing.) She used to pick me up every Sunday, so we can get to church, which was also talking time. Today, we talked about ambitions and the future, making my mind wander through more than just the mentioned topics.

This, of course, made me think of my future. I'll be graduating soon, which couldn't seem to come faster. I say this now, but I'm sure I'm going to miss high school. She had asked if I thought I'd see "the day," meaning graduating, being done with high school. Honestly, I really never thought of it until this school year. Twelve years of school, and here is the end to it all.

Next? Well, what do you know! Time to grow up, time to finally get away from the comfort of living with family members. Finally, TIME FOR COLLEGE. I'm going to attend Azusa Pacific University and boy, am i excited! It's a private christian university with a football team, what more can I ask for? I can't wait to see what is waiting for me, what's going to happen in my near future. I don't know if I have any reason to be afraid other than being able to pay for it all. I'm trying to make sure the financial aspect of college is taken care of, so I can do my best and focus on my education.

As my oldest sister, Adrianna, always tells me, I've always been self motivated. Adrianna had no clue that I was applying to college. She had found out the day that I told her I was accepted to Azusa Pacific University. I know I'm not supposed to go through life on my own, so I don't know how my whole family was unaware of my applying to college. My church family knew, because I had asked for prayer and Christian references. I believe with all that I am that God has this in His hands, that my acceptance to APU was no accident. He has had good plans for me from the beginning, I can't wait.
GO CLASS OF 2012!

Love Notes.

I've been going to Girls Group, led by Jennifer, since she started it. It has always been informative and an awesome way to fellowship. I personally think Jennifer's reasoning for Girls group is to give females what females need most, a sense of love and "good enough." She pointed out all of the good, but would always listen to any of the bad and we'd talk. She's showed us how blessed we are, but doesn't ever ignore the fact that bad is everywhere. We get together, talk, and love on each other.

Jennifer told us that "we ARE lovely" and "we are God's image" -- beautiful, captivating, zenith of creation, love, wonderful, and forgiven. She helped us learn how to "heal the wounds" -- go to God, go to others, pray for a peace from within, for strength, courage, and comfort. We learned that God gives us "love letters." They come in many different forms, music, family, friends, random signs, words, etc. He puts something in your life that you can always go to for a smile, or that'll show you His evident presence in your life. 

My personal love letters are my nieces and nephews. I can be in a not-so-happy mood, but once they come up to me, hug me, kiss me, acknowledge my presence, I can't help but to believe how loved I am. How blessed I am. They truly are love letters from God.

The fabulous five

Alyssa:)

Daniel:)

Noelia:)

Richard and Eric:)

Soooo, God.

The day that I turned 13 I was invited to my neighbor's church "block party." The cool thing is that it was aimed towards teenagers and we literally had a whole block to sit, fellowship, talk, pray, and watch a movie. I wasn't familiar with any of those, except sitting and movie watching. Not much happened that night, but obviously something stuck with me. I mean I remember it five years later. I was approached by a church member who asked me if I would let her pray for me. I wasn't going to be rude, so I allowed her to do so. I closed my eyes in respect, with no intent in really paying attention to what she said. I ended up listening to what she said, praying that I knew I was loved and other prayers of that nature. I cried, I cried a lot. It kind of sparked something that night, but it didn't go much further. I was hurt, yes, but didn't know where to look for healing.

I remember when I was lured into my church's youth group with some of my friends. The 20-something-year-old youth intern, Ben, came to some friends and I while some of us, well some of them, were skating in the church's parking lot. He was only an intern at the time, but he fell in love with us and stayed for good. Haha. Being young high schoolers, Ben knew food and games would attract us. That it did. We started going regularly and it was the beginning of my walk with God.
We got another intern, Jennifer. She was supposed to volunteer for a short time, but something kept her there for good. We weren’t the nicest of kids, we had a long way to go. She said one of the things that kept her with us was that she could see our evident love for each other. Yes, we all fought, we all had drama, but we all truly loved each other.

Helping Ben move into his California apt. We decided to keep him.:)

Our first year at camp and already throwing up gang signs.:)

The Christmas service

Family life in a bubble.

So, I didn't grow up in the church. My family is "Catholic," but they only went to church for Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, funerals or baptisms. I lived with both of my parents  and my 3 older sisters, 2 older brothers, and one younger brother up until the age of 7 or 8. My parents split around that time. I'd see my dad once in a while until I was around 9, then he was shipped (I'm mean.:)) back to Mexico. Yeah, that was the last time I really saw him. He would call every couple of months, he would send letters and pictures. I mean I knew my dad, I loved my dad, but I never really had my dad.

My mom stepped out of the picture not too long after my dad did. Eventually, my sister, Adrianna, was living with my grandma and my brother, Richard, was staying with one of my aunts. I went to a school called Project Hope. The school was for kids living in motels or shelters. I felt far less than anyone that went to public schools, but the people at Project Hope were loving. They were always there, they showed some caring when, both the faculty and we (the students), knew our parents hardly cared. They would make a monthly birthday cake and if you were born in that month they would add your name to the cake. They gave us some Christmas gifts during the Christmas season. When I'd go to school with ripped shoes, they'd send me to Mr. Bill to get some donated ones. I loved them. 

Yes, I lived in several motels from when I was in 3rd grade to around 5th grade. It was Anthony, Crystal, Stephanie, JJ, my mom, and I living in a no bedroom, two bed motel. Eventually, my mom gave up completely, or so it seemed. She would constantly be in and out of bars and jail cells, so my grandma and great aunt Mary took us in. My brother Anthony was the next one to move out. So, it was Crystal, Steph, JJ, and I living with the two most wonderful women ever. They tried their hardest to do what they could. I knew they loved me, loved us. I would see my mom once every 2 weeks if I was lucky. Need I mention, we lived with my great aunt and my grandma in a senior citizen apartment with one teeny-tiny bedroom. My great aunt was notified that the young ones living with her had to move out or they were going to kick her out, so we were forced to move.

By this time, Richard was still living with my aunt, Anthony was living with friends, Crystal got to stay with my great aunt Mary, and Adrianna was married with a daughter. We ended up moving in with Adrianna and her small family. One two bedroom apartment with Adrianna, Theodore, Noelia, Grandma, Stephanie, and I. It was a lot to put on my sister's plate, but she loves us so she did it.

After being kicked out of Adrianna's house into Richards, and back to Adrianna's. Adrianna had to give all of us up. Stephanie, JJ, and I moved in with my brother, Anthony. This was around the time I was a freshmen in high school, my mom eventually came back and said she wasn't going to go to jail or leave anymore. She has done a great job of staying out of jail, but she's been gone. When she came back she would tell me what to do, like any mother does to their child, but I felt like someone that was never there for me shouldn't be telling me what to do. I listened anyways, I just had bad feelings towards her for always abandoning us.

Eventually, Anthony couldn't do it anymore either, so back to Adrianna's we all three went. Let's just fast forward to the now. Steph doesn't live with us anymore, she hasn't for a while now. She's an adult and is figuring out what to do with her life, or living in her youth still, whichever. JJ doesn't live with us either, he lives with Richard. So, it's Adrianna, Theodore, Noelia, Daniel, and I. My mom left me, personally, in August of 2011.

She called me a bitch, said i was going to hell, and other stuff, because I wouldn't give her money for drugs, no she didn't specify that they were for drugs, but I'm sure of it. What she had said just broke me. I left the room we were in to go to my sister's room, so I could cry. She packed her stuff and left. I've seen her 4 times in the last 8-9 months. The first two times were just a "you're not going to say hi to your mom?" conversation, they literally were less than 5 minute encounters. The third time I saw her was when I was in the hospital, the day before I had surgery. We talked a little more, we exchanged about 5 sentences that day. The last time I saw her wasn't that long ago. It was awkward, she was in my presence for a whopping 5-10 minutes. I invited her to my graduation, she told me she was getting married. Like I said, it was awkward.

Thanksgiving 2010

My first blog.

So, I've never really had a blog. Yes, I have a Tumblr, but that's not a legit blog. It is nothing short of an amusement park. An emotional teenage amusement park. I'm not sure what caused me to make this blog, but I'll see where it goes (if it goes). I'll start this blog with this, I guess. There will most likely be added posts tonight. Brain just decided to work a little, I'm going to start it off with me, then what God has been doing in my life, how it all started.