College Confession

I love College. I love that we choose our classes, that we choose to go to class or not, and that the times are all different. There isn't six classes, one after the other. I, personally, have six classes and a lab, but they're spread throughout the week. I love College, because you choose when you eat and when you sleep. I love College, because of Azusa Pacific University. Going to chapel is one of the highlights and rests of the week. Afterall, I’m going to the only college I can see myself attending.

I am so worn out physically and emotionally. I love APU, but I’m starting to stress out. I need a job, I need to keep up with all of the homework, I need to make it to class on time, and most of all I need focus on God. It’s just so much at once. My body needs rest, my mind needs rest, and my heart needs rest.

Sometimes, I feel so left out of the life that's happening back home. I always look forward to video chatting with people back home, but it'd be nice to physically sit with them. I feel like everyone is going through life without even the thought of me, but I know that this is probably not true. Ugh, I just need rest, my family, and my close friends. I miss home.

Time to go to my last two classes of the day. :/

I'm Coming Back to the Heart of Worship.

For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it 

-The Heart of Worship

Worship is not just singing, it takes many different forms. It is a spiritual practice that keeps us centered and focused on bringing glory to God. 'Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2' We always tend to make it about lifting our arms or standing like everyone else. I'm not saying to conform to sitting in the pews with your arms crossed, but be transformed and know that you are to worship God in whatever way He is drawing you to, be open to following His will. We don't even have to re-define worship, but we have to save it, in a sense. We have to bring it back to its true meaning. 

wor·ship/ˈwərSHip/
Noun:
The feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity.

This is one of many definitions, but I like it more than others: to feel/express adoration. 

Louie Giglio says "The simplest definition I can give is this: Worship is our response to what we value most." Now, I need to look at what I value. I value God, family, friends, and my education, but see God should be in all of these "values." God shouldn't just be one of my values, He should be portrayed in all of them. He should be more than an object that I value. I need to surrender it all to Him. I don't know that it'll happen while here on Earth, but guess what the goal is?

And It Was Very Good.

The name of this post is a part of Genesis 1:31, God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the sixth day.

Do you believe that you are very good? God didn't make us on accident, we have a purpose. He didn't just bring us into existence like the rest of His creation. He breathed His life into us, only into humans. He looked at us and saw that it was very good, not just good, but very good.

There was an assignment that my English professor gave the class. The assignment was to list five heroes, whether family, pastor, teacher, someone global, anyone that you see as a hero. We were told not to list Jesus, because she knows that He's our number one. After we wrote our five heroes down, we had to write their attributes and values, why we see them as heroes.

I listed my Grandma, Adrianna, Tia Mary, Jennifer, and Ms. Sinatra. My grandma, because no matter what the situation was , she always made it through. She was a strong, loving woman who knew how to comfort me like nobody else could. Adrianna, because she loves through everything. She helps others before ever thinking of herself. You can always find Adrianna smiling or cracking a joke. Tia Mary, because she is strong, 92 years old and still amazing. She helped raise her siblings and helped raise my siblings and I. She is a completely selfless woman. Jennifer, because she sees potential in everyone. She knows that everyone can make it, do the best, it's whether they try or not. She has never given up on loving me, no matter how stubborn I can be. Last but not least, Ms. Sinatra, if anyone has room to be moody or mean, it's her. Life throws her a curveball and she doesn't let it ruin her. She shows joy through all of her trials, always holds onto hope. If someone knows how to show love in any situation, it's her.

We discussed some of our heroes and their attributes and values. My English professor told me the reason I see them as my heroes is because they mirror me. All of the attributes and values that I see in them are only seen, because I portray them too. If I ask them to describe their attributes and values, they wouldn't say all of these, they'd see it in me, but not themselves. It was really eye opening. The fact that I listed my grandma, sister, great aunt, a teacher, and a youth pastor, made me a community and family person. I might be starting to believe that I am good in Him.

I love you, God.

I know more of my posts should be titled something along these lines, but this one is just so real.

I have all of my first semester of college paid for, all of my books are covered, my English class was canceled, and my THREE hour lab is canceled for tomorrow. God is good.

I've been letting worry take over my emotions. Well, take over my everything, really. I sat in a circle of girls with my roommate, there was about seven girls that I didn't know before sitting in the circle. We sat in the circle and had to talk about what we wanted to let go of for this next school year. After we talked about it we were to write it on a big clothe like banner and cover each others writing with our painted hand to show that we were there for each other. I covered Jessie's, she covered mine and we prayed about it. When it was my turn to talk about what I wanted to let go I said worry and cried. I cried in front of a group of people I didn't know. I told them that I want to put my faith in God and not have to worry. I want to leave APU a completely different person, a person closer to God.

God answered my prayers, my worries are finally beginning to subside. I can focus on God.

Side note: one of my professors offered extra credit for four notes on a Sunday church service. He told us that chapel isn't enough, we still need to fellowship in a church.

I'm all "growed" up

Today, I had my first classes, Intro to Computer Science, Math, English, and Public Communications. My CS class was beyond boring and spoke with a pretty thick accent, the professor read the syllabus in whole, as if we can't read it on our own. All of my other professors read the main points and told us to go over it on our own. My second teacher didn't have an accent, thank God! She was a bit more entertaining. After she went over some of the syllabus we ended up reviewing some math, which I loved. I was glad that we started on some actual work. It was all graphing, so I'll definitely need my graphing notebook. (Thanks, Adrianna!)

After my math class, I rushed over to East campus. See, I was in a hurry because I thought I had twenty-five minutes, but once I got to East campus I realized I had an hour and twenty-five minutes. This was a huge relief, because I was hungry and it opened up time to grab some lunch. After the hour and twenty-five minutes, I had to go to my English class. I hoped so much that the professor would be entertaining, especially after my first two professors. Guess what?! She was amazing, she cracked jokes and knew how to keep our attention for the whole fifty-five minutes. She seems really loving, we're going to be having one on one time with her and she made us promise to keep anything said within the class between us and only us. That was my smallest class all day, it was about 15-20 students. I had to travel back to West campus with 10 minutes between the end of my English class and the beginning of my next class(communications), so yes I was late. I had to let my professor know that I'd be getting there late, because of the ridiculous travel from one campus to the other with only 10 minutes.

My day is now relaxed, I can relax in my dorm. I have to read for my communications class, but I might save that until tomorrow, because tomorrow I only have one class from 4:20pm-5:45pm.

I can't wait to find out how I'm going to put Computer Science and God/Math and God into the same pot and make it taste good. My first day was a success, I survived!

Movie/Book Shelf
Turtle Pond
Covered my roommates insecurity with my painted hand